We hear it all the time, right? "Just be kind." It's plastered on mugs, shared in memes, offered as universal advice. And most of the time, it *is* good advice. Kindness smooths the rough edges of daily life, builds bridges, and generally makes the world a slightly less scratchy place to exist in.
But sometimes, "just be kind" gets twisted into something else. It becomes a demand for silence, a tool to shut down valid criticism, a shield for genuinely harmful behavior. It morphs into this idea that we have to offer endless politeness, even to those actively working to dismantle the very foundations of a decent, respectful society. That’s where things get tricky, and where we need to talk about something called the Paradox of Tolerance.
The Tolerance Tightrope Walk
The philosopher Karl Popper nailed this dilemma decades ago. He pointed out a fundamental vulnerability within tolerant societies. If a society is *infinitely* tolerant, without any limits, it risks being destroyed by the intolerant. Think about it: if we extend tolerance to those whose entire platform is based on *intolerance*—racism, bigotry, promoting violence, stripping away rights—we essentially give them the space and the oxygen they need to grow. If they gain enough power, their first act is often to eliminate the very tolerance that allowed them to flourish. They pull up the ladder behind them.
It's like tending a garden. You want diverse plants to thrive (that's your tolerant society). But if you tolerate the aggressive, invasive weeds (intolerance) just as much as your flowers and vegetables, eventually those weeds will choke everything else out. Being a "tolerant" gardener in that scenario means you ultimately lose your garden. True gardening requires *intolerance* of the things that will destroy the ecosystem you're trying to cultivate.
Seeing the Weeds Grow
And let's be real, we're not just talking theory here. We're watching those weeds spread in broad daylight. Look around, particularly at the landscape in the U.S. lately – the resurgence of overt bigotry, the thinly veiled (and sometimes not veiled at all) racism, the attempts to ban books that challenge narrow worldviews, the legislative and rhetorical attacks on marginalized groups like the LGBTQ+ community or immigrants.
This didn't just bubble up overnight. It festered. It grew in corners where people thought being "polite," "staying out of it," or "agreeing to disagree" on fundamental human dignity was the path of least resistance. But silence in the face of creeping intolerance isn't neutral; it's permission. It signals that the boundaries of acceptable behavior are shifting, that the corrosive stuff is becoming normalized. Ignoring the small fire doesn't make it go away; it just gives it time to become an inferno.
Drawing a Line Isn't Being Mean, It's Self-Defense
So, when someone is peddling hate, actively working to harm others, or denying people their basic humanity, am I going to "just be kind"? No. Extending politeness and a platform to ideologies that would erase people's rights or safety isn't kindness; it's complicity. It’s like politely holding the door open for someone who has announced they're coming inside to trash your house.
Refusing to engage politely with blatant racism isn't being unkind; it's setting a boundary. Calling out transphobia isn't mean-spirited; it's defending people's right to exist. Standing against ideologies that thrive on division and dehumanization isn't intolerant in the negative sense; it's protecting the very possibility of a *truly* tolerant, diverse, and safe society down the road. It’s exercising the immune system of a healthy community.
Now, look, I get it. Pushing back is exhausting. Constantly being vigilant takes energy that not everyone has, or feels equipped to spend. Some days, just getting through is the win. And that's completely valid. Nobody should feel obligated to jump into every single fray.
But some of us? We see the weeds spreading, and we feel we *have* to grab the spade. Maybe it's how we're wired, maybe it's the experiences we've had. For me, personally, staying silent when the foundations are being attacked just isn't an option. Protecting the space for *actual* kindness sometimes means being fiercely intolerant of the things that seek to destroy it.
Hope this perspective helps frame things a bit differently.
{fullWidth}